day four: something you have to forgive someone for.
this is harder than i thought. i'd like to say i don't hold grudges. at least not to the point that they affect my life or that of anybody else.
there was a boy i met a few years ago named shawn. i don't even remember his last name.
i can't say i actually forgive him, since he took something for me that somebody else actually deserved.
i don't forgive him. but i can admit now that it wasn't entirely his fault. even though i can't forgive him, i can take responsibility and know that without both of us that couldn't have happened.
i shouldn't have let my self-worth rest in the hands of somebody else. i shouldn't have put myself out there the way i did. and i shouldn't have convinced myself that he really did want to be with me and that that made it all right.
i should have said no. i should have punched him in the fucking face.
so no, i don't really forgive him. but he's not this horrible black hate tumor in my soul anymore. he was just a mistake. and we all make mistakes.
peace.
If we didn't make mistakes, we'd all be emotionless robots.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it's not a black tumor anymore.
And I lurve you very much.
i lurve you, too!
ReplyDeletei don't think about it as much as i used to. the last time i really even discussed it was when i told chris about it, which was really hard and really sucked. but i think it did help me to get over it.
I am glad he is not a black tumor anymore, if it makes you feel any better... I still want to punch him in the face
ReplyDelete