30 days of truth: day twenty-four, the playlist

ha, i know i did the rest of them all in one entry, but i knew twenty-four would be a long one so i decided to let it have it's own entry.

  

day twenty-four: make a playlist to someone.

since i'm still riding on my engagement high, i'm sure you can guess who this playlist is for.

15. i am a pirate, you are a princess - PlayRadioPlay!

'together we could sail the seven seas, bring back some presents for all the people, everyone would love us. . .'

14. if i had a million dollars - barenaked ladies

'i'd buy you a monkey, haven't you always wanted a monkey?' 'if i had a million dollars, i'd buy your love.'

13. rooms on fire - stevie nicks

'well maybe i'm just thinking that the rooms are all on fire, every time that you walk in the room. . .'

12. stay with you - goo goo dolls

'the walls will fall before we do.'

>11. wonderwall - oasis

'and i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now.'

10. as long as you follow - fleetwood mac

'yes, i can live today, if you give me tomorrow. . .'

9. forever and ever amen - randy travis

'if you wonder how long i'll be faithful, i'll be happy to tell you again. i'm gonna love you, forever and ever, forever and ever, amen.'

8.  head over feet - alanis morissette

'don't be surprised if i love you for all that you are.'

7.  simple and clean - utada hikaru

'simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight, it's hard to let it go.'

6.  johnny and june - heidi newfield

'i wanna love, love you that much, cash it all in, give it all up, and when you're gone, i wanna go, too. . .'

5.  she and i - alabama

'oh ain't it great, ain't it fine, to find a love for someone that others can't find, ain't it wonderful to know, that all we ever need is just the two of us. . .'

4.  here in your arms - hellogoodbye

'i fell in love, in love with you suddenly, now there's no place else i could be but here in your arms.'

3.  teenage dream - katy perry

'my heart stops, when you look at me, just one touch now baby i believe, this is real. . .'

2.  she's got the rythmn - the summer set

'i keep your picture by my bedside, and i'm sleepin' all the time, just to wake up to you.  and i'm in love, with everything you do, you can have the best of me, forget what i want, you're all that i need.'

1.  such great heights - the postal service

'they will see us waving from such great heights, come down now, they'll say.  but everything looks perfect from far away, come down now, but we'll stay.'

peace.

30 days of truth: days twenty-one though whatever.

still behind from all the excitement of the past few days! dropped my ring off to get it sized to the perfect fit, picking it up tomorrow! for now though, gonna try to just finish off this list. :D

day twenty-one: your best friend is in a car accident and you two got in a fight and hour before. what do you do?

i find this question very silly. not that i'm cold hearted, but i bet every single person has pretty much the same answer. even if you fought over the last piece of gum you'd still feel horrible. everybody is going to feel horrible and rush to the hospital. no surprise really.

day twenty-two: something you wish you hadn't done in your life.

i've mentioned this before, so i won't go into it again. 

day twenty-three: something you wish you had done in your life.

i wish i would have gone to hair school after i graduated instead of spending so much money going to college. apparently we are just a hair-doin' family, i think i would have liked it.  maybe someday.  :)

day twenty-four:  make a playlist for someone.

a long one.  see next blog.  :D

day twenty-five:  the reason you're still alive today.

because i take care of myself and haven't encountered a serial killer?  

again, silly question, unless you ask somebody that has actually faced death.  i haven't, so i'm alive because i'm still supposed to be.  :)

day twenty-six:  have you ever thought about giving up on life?

i wish i had better, cooler and longer answers for you guys, but no i have never done this.  i guess i'm just an optimistic person. 

day twenty-seven:  what's the best thing you have going for you right now?

i'm engaged to be married to the man i love!  he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and i'm just so excited!  i can't wait to be a bride and a wife!

day twenty-eight:  what if you were pregnant?  what would you do?

hmm.  well, i go through a lot of effort to not get pregnant, i get my depo shot every three months, so if it were to happen, i'd be in major shock.  other than that, i guess it depends on the situation.  if we were in a position, or were getting there, then it would be alright.

i am however, very pro-adoption.  it would be wrong of me to have a child that i couldn't take care of when there are so many people in the world who can't have their own children to love.  so if that were the case, if i was pregnant with a child that i knew we didn't have the means to care for, adoption is the choice i would go with.

on the other hand, while on the subject of adoption, i would like to adopt one of my children in the future.  again, so many kids who need love and not enough people!  as far as i know, chris is also for adoption so i do see it happening someday. 

day twenty-nine:  something you hope to change about yourself.

as far as a person, i'm finally able to say that i am  happy with the person that i am.  

health-wise, however, i could be doing a lot better.  all of us could.  so in january my whole family is going to try the weight watchers plan, if we all do it then we can lose some of this weight!  it will help our backs and our knees and just our overall health!  i don't want to get married and then die of a heart attack because i can't take care of myself!  on that note, chris is going to be semi-dieting with us (hopefully he'll do it at home too, but i can't watch him all the time!)  so it will be good for all of us.  hopefully we can do it!

day thirty:  a letter to yourself, tell yourself everything you love about you!

dear tiffers,

you are so totally awesome.  you have an awesome family that loves you, a super cool hair cut and a fiance that love you just the way you are!  apparently you are very sweet even when you're not thinking about it (like today when you put the towel on the towel rack for chris while he was in the shower, he totally thought that was awesome) so you don't have to try so hard to get people to like you.   you're perfect just the way you are.

love, tiffers.

30 days of truth: day twenty

day twenty:  your views on drugs and alcohol.

as with many things, i am a live and let live person.

when i turned twenty-one, i tried my hardest to get super drunk.  it didn't happen and i didn't even have fun doing it, so drinking is not really my thing.  i may get a drink at a restaurant or something (last one i got was that totally sweet georgia peach thing on mine and chris's first anniversary) or if we're having a party.  basically, i don't think it's fun and eventually my head starts to hurt and i can't keep drinking something that doesn't taste good so i can't just chug hardcore stuff 'til i'm wasted. 

i was more amused by the fact that it
looked like a peach.  :D

and also, i've seen my sister drunk and i can't imagine how stumbling around the house and then throwing up in the bathroom sink constitutes fun.  (no offense mandy, i know you had an awesome time  :P)

as far as drugs go, again, live and let live.  well, with some substances anyway.  i am against hardcore drugs but it's mainly because they're super illegal.  i don't judge people that smoke weed but setting something on fire and inhaling the hot smoke doesn't seem like much fun.  and apparently it makes you really hungry and i am fat enough without having the munchies, thank you very much.

so yeah.  i may not do it but you can if you want.  just if what you want is cocaine or heroine or something, don't call me when your in jail.

peace.

30 days of truth: days fifteen through nineteen

gosh, with school and bugglette's and work i've had not time to blog!  i did at least get a weekend off to spend with my dude, but still, SO BEHIND.

day fifteen:  someone or something you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.

i guess this would have to be my family.  i did run off to college right after high school and i think i was totally unprepared emotionally to deal with the separation.  not that i think i have to always live WITH my parents, but i would like to be in a place where they are easily accessible. 

those last few days at morehead i was so sick.  i think i had the flu or something.  and there was nobody there to help me.  at one point i tried to get somebody to take my to rite-aid to find some sort of medication to help, but nobody would go.  i called my mom and all she could tell me was to hang in there because they'd be there to get me in a couple of days.

i don't even remember much of those last days.  i was so miserable and i was up all night and that's when i realized for sure that this just wasn't working and that i just really needed to go home.

day sixteen:  someone or something you definitely could live without.

i'm sure i've mentioned this before, but i don't keep people around that aren't good for me, so there is none of this 'gosh, get out of my life!' feeling.  

the same goes for things.  if something isn't working for me, i don't just hang on to it.  if a shirt doesn't fit, i take it back.  if something doesn't work, i get rid of it.  i do admit i wasn't always like this and kept a lot of things that i didn't need.  i guess now with my dude and i making serious plans to move in together i have a better perspective since i simply *can't* take everything with me.  so i can live without the crappy drawings i did in middle school and bunch of pens and folders that don't work or are falling apart that i kept just because they used to be my favorite.  i don't need all the stuffed animals that used to keep me company when bug could use them or they could go to goodwill for another little girl to find them and love them.

basically, in my mind, it's easier to just not hold on to things that you know are going to be bad for you then to try to get rid of them later.  that goes for people and things of all kinds.

day seventeen:  a book you've read that changed your views on something.

um.

i'm not saying that i don't read to learn.  but i usually don't.  unless you count the bulbapedia.  

which you probably don't.

day eighteen:  your views on gay marriage.

go for it.

everybody else has all these religious reasons and blah blah blah, but if you ask me, if it's not hurting you or having really any affect on you at all then WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH?  it's not like a bunch of gay people are gonna go get married and have a mass orgy in the streets so you have to watch it.

they're gonna get married, maybe get themselves a house and a dog and go on with their lives just like everybody else.

deal with it.

day nineteen:  what do you think of religion?  or politics?

to get this out of the way first, i know nothing about politics.  literally nothing.  i don't even mention them because i don't understand them.  and that's about it.

as far as religion, i don't have too many thoughts on it, really.  i'm not a church person but i don't have anything against the church.  in general i guess i'm just not a fan of organized religion, that's when things that should be good turn into things that are bad.  D:

i guess i'm a spiritual person, i find peace believing that there is some sort of higher power even if it's one that i don't understand or wasn't meant to understand.  and i don't need to try to make sense of it, which i think is what happens in groups, that they try to make sense of something they can't ever really understand.  and i think that's silly.

peace.

30 days of truth: day fourteen

day fourteen:  a hero who has let you down.

huh.

i got nothing.

sorry guys.  D:

here's a mudkip.

do you liek them?

peace.

30 days of truth: days twelve and thirteen

gosh, work, school and bugglette's are ruining my blogging schedule!

but i guess i must admit, it feels nice to be busy, like my days aren't being wasted.  so here we go with two more days.

day twelve:  something you never get compliments on.

well, i can't say never anymore, but it's very rare that i get compliments on how hard i work at my job.  it kinda sucks, but i guess you don't really work for that kind of reward, but it is pretty nice when it does happen.  lee, my manager at papa john's, was the first boss-like figure i have had that really went out of his way to tell me that i did so much around there that days would be harder without me.  he appreciated my hard work, and it did motivate me to work harder.  soon even customers complimented me on how i was always so helpful and courteous.  

but after lee left, it was pretty easy for me to get tired of it again and go off to find a new job.  and don't get me wrong, i totally love my job now (i'm sad i couldn't go in today because of the half-inch of ice covering our street D:), but i probably won't get the kind of thanks i got from him.  he was the best.  :3

day thirteen:  a band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.

music in general is very soothing to me.  i tend to listen to more nostalgic music when i'm having a tough day, things that remind me of a time when things weren't nearly so bad.

the goo goo dolls is my go-to band, since they are like, one of my favorite bands of all time.  but it's not just that, really.  i learned to love them along with mandy when i was in middle school.  they are the first thing the me and my big sister really had in common.  when we could hang out and listen to them and be all cool, i was finally like, 'ya know what, she doesn't suck that bad'.  :P  so being able to listen to those songs that we first loved really makes me feel better.

mandy and i about to go love us some goo last may.  :D

peace.

30 days of truth: days ten and eleven

ha, chris said i would eventually miss a day, and i did from sleepiness and working on bugglette's.  D:

day ten:  someone you need to let go of, or wish you didn't know

again, i don't hold on to people that are bad for me.  so this one is also kinda short.  though there is a girl who caused me much grief and almost got a lamp to the face who i wish i hadn't even attempted to be friends with.  i think that's really where most of my anger lies in that situation, she was mandy's friend and mandy liked her and she was at out house all the time, so i tried to be friends with her.  it turns out though that she never wanted to hang out with me and was usually mad when mandy invited me to go places with them.  

even though we're not twins like people tend to believe, we still come as a set, so you just kinda have to get over it.  :P

it also turned out that she would just hate people for no reason at all, and sometimes those people were your best friends, and she had no problem telling you that she hates them.  completely unprovoked, even.

so she's a bitch and i'm sad that i wasted my time.

day eleven:  something people seem to compliment you on the most

i wish i didn't have to go with such a physical description, but it's definitely my hair.  :B  i have at least one person a day say i have cute hair, unless of course i just stay in my house.  my hair has actually always been a huge struggle, the only mexican gene i got from my dad was this thick crazy hair that gets curly and tumbleweed shaped if i let it get to long.  

which is why in high school i finally chopped it all off.  it was a sad day.  and then i went to school the next day and people were all like 'wtfffffffffff?'  D:  

luckily now i know how to manage it's unruliness, and i'm actually growing it out again.  it's still really short, but if you look at facebook pictures from last year and then from this month, my hair is about twice as long as it used to be and it doesn't spike up anymore.

actually here, i'll do it for you.

november 2009

you can check the facebook for more recent ones, but look at my lack of hair.

it's just long enough now to poke me and the face and freak me out because i'm still not used to it being there.  

i guess i should use this space to thank my awesome hairdresser and big sister, mandy.  i guess she finally made me presentable to society.  

love you, bitch face.  :3

30 days of truth: day nine

day nine:  someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.

i guess this would be most of my high school friends.  D:

it's not that we fought or had any drama or anything, which is good.  we're just all busy people now.  school, jobs, degrees, kids.  all that takes the lead in your life sometimes.  i just hope life could calm down for all us so we could have friend time again.

peace.  

30 days of truth: day eight

day eight:  someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

this will be a short blog, i guess.

luckily i don't have anybody like that.  if somebody treats me badly, they obviously aren't worth my time and are promptly removed from all my thoughts.  i don't need the drama or the stress.

peace.

30 days of truth: day seven

day seven:  somebody who has made your life worth living.

this is kind of an odd question to me, it makes it sound like without a certain person, my life *wasn't* worth living.  i've always had something to live for, but now there is a person who makes me want to live my life along side theirs.

and i'm sure they know who they are.  but if they don't. . .

his name is christopher waits.  he came from the internet and changed my whole world.  

before him i used to try to imagine what it would be like to have somebody who really did love me, what it would be like to walk around holding somebodies hand, and what it would be like to tell people about the amazing adventures that i have with the man i love.

and it has been so much more amazing than i ever imagined.  he keeps me warm when i'm cold, he makes me laugh when i'm sad.  he can even make my happy when i'm trying my best to be angry.  he's the one who picks me and all of my pieces up when i feel like the world is falling apart.

and of course, you can't forget our amazing adventures.

yeah.  you wish you were there to find that super onion.  but you weren't.  you can go cry now.

yes, all of our awesome adventures are just like this.  but i love it.  i love 'oops, wrong way down a one-way street' adventures like our first valentines day.  and i love 'slipping and sliding through a hotel parking lot while trying to get some snacks from the gas station' adventures like we had on our first anniversary.  i love 'trapped in the mall because chris locked the keys in the truck' adventures.  i love 'trying to put a futon together because we finally broke the bed' adventures.  i love 'we don't really have enough money but dammit we're going to gen-con anyway' adventures.  i love 'it's 3 am, lets go to wal-mart' adventures.  and i especially love 'i don't feel like doing anything but being lazy with you today, lets just stay in our pajamas and do nothing at all' adventures.

as long as i'm with him, it's always an adventure.

i love you, chris.

peace.

30 days of truth: day six

day six:  something you hope you never have to do.

my brain automatically goes to the death of a loved one.  but everybody hopes they never have to say goodbye.

- i hope i never had to say goodbye too soon.  i feel i have a good grasp of death, i can be sad but understand.  i don't think i would have a handle on accidents or the things i see on investigation discovery.  D:

- i hope i never do anything to hurt my relationship with my family.  we have overcome the stupid things i've done in life so far, so i hope we can always overcome.

- i hope i never have to sacrifice my education.  i let it go before for the money, i don't want to do it again.

- i hope i never have to come to the realization that i'm on the wrong path with my education.  there's only one thing i want to do and hopefully i can earn a living from it.

- i hope i am never labeled a bad wife or bad mother.  that would be the worst.

peace.

30 days of truth: day five

day five:  something you hope to do in your life.

there's too many.  i'm gonna pull an amber and go with a list.

- i hope to get the college degree that i'm working towards.

- i hope to marry the man of my dreams (who is currently sitting beside me watching 'dexter' with big 'oooooh' eyes).

- i hope i can be an awesome wife!  the kind that has food on the table that isn't burnt.

- i hope to be able to make a living doing something creative (you all should be looking out for 'bugglettes' sometime next year.  out inventory is pretty sweet.

so yeah.  hopes.  all pretty standard.  long lasting love, a nice career and to make food that isn't burnt.

peace.

30 days of truth: day four

day four:  something you have to forgive someone for.

this is harder than i thought.  i'd like to say i don't hold grudges.  at least not to the point that they affect my life or that of anybody else.

there was a boy i met a few years ago named shawn.  i don't even remember his last name.  

i can't say i actually forgive him, since he took something for me that somebody else actually deserved.

i don't forgive him.  but i can admit now that it wasn't entirely his fault.  even though i can't forgive him, i can take responsibility and know that without both of us that couldn't have happened.

i shouldn't have let my self-worth rest in the hands of somebody else.  i shouldn't have put myself out there the way i did.  and i shouldn't have convinced myself that he really did want to be with me and that that made it all right.  

i should have said no.  i should have punched him in the fucking face.

so no, i don't really forgive him.  but he's not this horrible black hate tumor in my soul anymore.  he was just a mistake.  and we all make mistakes.

peace.

30 days of truth: day three

day three:  something you have to forgive yourself for.

one of my biggest regrets for a really long time was dropping out of college the semester after i started.  i had my reasons.  mainly, i knew that my family couldn't afford it.  secondly, i had i had no idea what i really wanted to do with my life, so i felt i was wasting my time and my parents money blindly taking classes with no sort of direction.  i felt even worse as my high school friends began to graduate from college.  i wish i had just stuck it out, maybe if i'd have given it more time i would have found something i really loved and could have a diploma in had just like the rest of my friends.

my dad actually gave the permission to forgive myself before he even brought me home.  i was on the phone with him.  we weren't even talking about it at first, but i was thinking about it.  finally, i just sort of blurted out, 'are you mad at me?'

and he said no.  he said if he had had the chance to go off and try something new, that he would have done it, too.  he told that if i knew it wasn't for me, i should come home.

and a huge weight lifted off my shoulders at that moment.  i still had my regrets, but i knew it would be alright. and i can forgive myself and be proud of my decision because i absolutely love my life!  every decision you make leaves you with a bunch of 'what ifs' in your head.  'what if i'd stayed?  what would my life be like if i hadn't left?'  well, i may be more educated, may have a better job, but i'd have missed out on so many amazing people and experiences i've had since then.  i may have missed out on my dude, who is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  i'd have missed out on bug's birthdays and getting up and walking and learning to call mandy 'sister' instead of mandy.  and i'd rather have this life than any other i could think of!  

so whether or not it was a good or bad decision, it was one that i made, no going back.  but i am more than happy with the results.

peace.

30 days of truth: day two

day two:  something you love about yourself.

i'll have to agree with amber today and say my ability to craft!

well, i guess since i am an art student, i'd have to say i'm pretty proud of my artistic abilities in general.  i love to draw (even though i haven't been doing as much actual drawing as i used too. . .), i love to paint (have you seen my new owl painting!?  it's a few blogs back if you haven't!), i love to just make things in general.

i love it when i see something in a store and think to myself, 'i could make that.'

mandy and i share the craft gene.  we inherited it from our mother, who used to make hair accessories and such from feathers and whatnots back in the seventies.  she also made me a kick ass hat in fifth grade that one me some sort of prize.  it's just in our blood.

as far as creative efforts today, i finished my knives scarf.  it measures in at 155 inches.  it is so long!  i thought with it being that skinny it wouldn't be that warm, but to keep it off the ground you have to wrap it around your neck about three times!

also, mandy saw the girls at work wearing button bracelets, so we had to learn to make those.  the three of us went on a button shopping spree today.  luckily we found the clearance buttons at hancock fabrics, ninety percent off!  i got like eight sets of buttons for $1.16.

    obviously i didn't take this  picture.  you can tell by the christmas nails.  but i did sew this button bracelet!

so yeah.  if i couldn't make all the things i do, i'd go insane from boredom.  expect a massive picture upload tomorrow of me (and possibly mandy) modeling my knives scarf.

peace.

30 days of truth: day one

i saw my dear friend amber doing this, and based on some of the questions i have to say that she is very brave to attempt it!  so i decided that i would try to be brave, too.  not only that, but it's a great writing exercise really, i hope it will get me back into blogging more frequently like i did a few years ago.  

day one:  something you hate about yourself.

this is probably going to sound very strange.  i admit it right now.  but honestly, i am just genuinely a nice person. i really am.  i don't like to hurt peoples feeling.  i don't like to start fights.  i don't like to cause trouble.  you'd think that would make you a desirable human being, that these traits would be valued.  i've learned more in my adult life that these niceties cause me to get trampled on more than they help me out.

one of my co-workers at papa john's would always tell me that she didn't understand how i could stay so calm and sound so nice to the people that i talked to on the phone, knowing that these people are total jerk, have cussed at me, yelled at me and basically called me stupid when they are the ones that can't understand how coupons work or do some simple math every now and then.  she told me that someday she thought i would just explode.

and sometimes i feel like that.

i guess i did have one total explosive meltdown.  only one, though.  mandy claims she thought i was going to throw a lamp that was quite near to me.  it's horrible that a person could push you to that amount of rage while being entirely aware of how mean, bitchy and inconsiderate they're being.  (please don't ask about this story, it still makes me really angry to think about it.)

i can show my emotions to the people closest to me, but when it comes to standing up for myself in some sort of public arena, like at work, i can't do it.  i don't want to cause a scene.  in fact, the closest i've come to defending myself and explaining to someone how they treated me was wrong was when i quit at claire's.  i got everything out of my system, that i felt i was treated unfairly and that as long as i'd been there and as hard as i worked that i deserved better than what i was getting.  i got my point across, still in a pretty calm nice-person way.

and then i felt horrible about it, because i'd hurt my managers feeling.  logic told me that i didn't have anything to feel bad about, but i couldn't help it.  and i hate that feeling.  i get tired of feeling it.

i haven't worked in almost a week at spencer's.  i could have stayed longer at papa john's, but i couldn't bring myself to tell anybody that i just hated my job and wanted to get out of there as fast as i could.  i didn't want them to think i felt i was too good for their job, so i just put in my weeks notice so i could just have a break.

so i guess it's not that i'm a nice person, i hate that it gets in the way of me standing up for myself when i really need to.  i just don't know how you can really work on that kind of problem.  

short of practicing being a bitch, i guess.

i can imagine myself practicing bitching myself out in the mirror.  i giggled a little bit.  even i know that is never gonna happen.

peace.