some letter beads.

i found a bunch of letter beads in my crafting stuff awhile ago.

i was super into making hemp necklaces and bracelets a few years ago, so i had all sorts of beads to decorate with.  i think i gave mandy the actual beads to use for hair bows or something, but i apparently stashed the letters away for myself.

last time i was at home, mandy made me a hipster string bracelet.  you know the kind.  we all made them when we were little and it was the greatest gift to get from a friend because they took so long to make, and then you tied it on and wore it till it rotted off.

(i haven't taken mine off yet.  it's still strong and it smells like my shampoo.)

so i was going to make me a cool one with a word to wear with it, it's really thin and i just like things a little more chunky.  i was going to go with my name, but i already have a necklace with my name and i don't want to broadcast myself to potential kidnappers any more than i already am.

i decided i wanted to make a pink bracelet that says 'cochina'.

i had to look it up to spell it, and oh the things i found.

my dad calls all of us cochina.  if me, mandy and bug are all in the same room and he yells 'hey, cochina!' we will all hop up to see what he wants.  and it means what i knew it meant, but i didn't know people used it so meanly!

a cochina is a pig, specifically a girl pig.  which i can see how you use it badly, and when we were old enough to ask dad what it meant, we were a little offended.  but cochina is actually a term of endearment for little girls because when they're born they're small and pink just like little piglets.  and i don't mind being called one, but then again, it's only my daddy, so it's cool.

but now i don't know if i should make it, since i do live in a largely mexican community and i don't want them to think i'm really weird!

but while i think it over, here's some cutie cochinas for you.

peace.

a meringue adventure.

after so many high calorie sweets at chris's birthday party on sunday, i decided that i needed to distract myself from the leftovers with something equally as sweet but not as horrible for my tummy.

when we joined weight watchers last year, at our first meeting in the little magazine thing was a recipe for chocolate and vanilla meringue cookies and i made them almost immediately.  they were perfect and awesome and i was very proud.

that had never happened again.

for mandy's birthday last year, she had a wonderland party and wanted meringue mushroom cookies.  those came out alright.  definitely mushroom shaped but not as good as that first batch.  also that year for chris's birthday, he made root beer cupcakes with root beer syrup that we found in the baking aisle at walmart.  so with the leftover meringue from the mushrooms, i decided to make some root beer flavored by replacing the vanilla extract with a tiny bit of root beer syrup.

that doesn't really work.

but i didn't learn my lesson.

today i though i would fix this problem by using a tiny bit of vanilla extract and a tiny bit of the remaining hazelnut syrup i use in my coffee.

first off, this recipe is supposed to make 44 adorable meringue cookies at about a half a point each.  mine made about 20 huge meringue cookies at at least one point, maybe one and a half.

they're huge.  wtf?

and when i pulled them out of the oven there were delicious crunchy bubbles all over the place that tasted exactly like my hazelnut syrup.  one of the pans was too big for one sheet of foil, so i had to overlap two.  and underneath the flap where they overlapped, guess what i found.

delicious hazelnut syrup.

the same delicious hazelnut syrup that i BEAT INTO MY MERINGUES was now crunchy bubbles and puddles under the foil rather than a flavoring in my cookies.

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN i need some baking scientist to explain this to me.

and no, my meringues taste nothing like hazelnut.  they are still sweet and delicious from the vanilla and the sugar but with none of the tasty nuttiness that i longed for. . .

peace.

happy birthday to my love!

in case you are just joining the party:

sometimes he's a polar bear, too.

today is his 25th birthday!

and i love him!

and he's the greatest!

he's also at work.  sad face.

we had his party on sunday, so that could partake in WRESTLEMANIA (because we're cool like that).  and i got to set up a party and food and we made a cake and it was so fun!  i like to have people over and hand out drinks and be a cute little homemaker type lady.

we had a lot of fun, watched sweaty men fight each other (oh, and undertaker vs triple h?  love it.  ended like a disney movie, what more could i wish for!), and then played nerd games and hung out until the wee hours of the morning (bedtime happened at about 6:30 am).

downside is going to have to be WAY too much food.  my tummy was sore from being so stuffed. . .so it's treadmill all week for me, starting once my iPod is fully charged!

(also thinking about making one more birthday treat, only way less calories:  some tasty vanilla meringues.  om nom nom!)

some pretty fruit!

fruity pebbles treats!

cake scrap that looks like a donut.  :D

my love with his big cupcake.

all the sweets!

baby cupcakes!

your hostess.  :3

and contrary to those pictures, there was real food. but who wants to look at pictures of real food?

so yeah.  my dude.  birthday.  love him.

peace.

what to do when you feel like literal crap?

when you feel so bad that it may actually be possible that somebody chewed you up, digested you for a little bit and then crapped you back out?

maybe you feel like i look right now?

i think it's all these trees out here out to get me.  after i defended them against chris's allergy-tree-hating.  

right now i have sandpaper throat, giant float-y head feeling and sometimes i have snot that i have no control over.  that's the worst.  the snot that just does it's own thing so you always have to be within arms reach of some tissues before it drips.

i need some nice hot something for lunch, then i shall partake in one of my favorite sick day activities.

coloring in bed.

then maybe a nap.

peace.

one of my new favorite photos.

sometimes she's a brat.  she can be a drama queen.  she sometimes needs what she thinks she need right now no matter what.  sometimes it game after game when i just want to go to sleep.  she's way to obsessed with david bowie.

but she's also a little bit of nerd (just like i was), loves big-eyed hoot owls and hello kitty faces (just like i do), always looks cute in her glasses (i wonder when she gets that from) and always has a picture or a pencil or a mcdonald's hello kitty (that's the same as one she already has) ready to give.  plus she's the only one in my family i've ever been able to talk about pokemon with.  she also give great hugs (those sometimes with a little too much force) and has the greatest little girl style ever (i mean, check out that shirt, big girl sizes plz?)

she's my baby sister, my little bugaboo, and i love her.  :D

this scale, yo.

i know i just gave you guys the 'scale doesn't matter, i'm awesome' spiel, but. . .

DAMN THIS POUND STRAIGHT TO HELL.

i've been gaining and losing the same pound for the last month, i swear i hate it.  if this pound had a face i would punch it.  then maybe put some cement shoes on it and throw it in the river.

part of my problem (and i'm not blaming him at all because i know he's gonna read this) is that my favorite dude has way more points than me and can eat a lot more at a time and can have a larger variety of food.  the other part of my problem is that i have little self control over when it comes to things i really want to eat.  which sometimes means that if we have a particularly delicious dinner that is healthier than usual, i go for a second helping without feeling bad even if i don't have the points.  then later i feel guilty because even though the food we made was a way better choice than it used to be, i still didn't need that much and just ate it because it was good.  

another problem is snacks.  we have pretty healthy snacks.  we got a big ol' box of fiber one brownies at sams's (3 pts) and a big ol' box of crunch honey oat bars (2 in a pack, 5 pts for both) and string cheese (1.5 pts each).  not too bad.  so if i feel snacky i go grab one of those. . .or a brownie and a string cheese. . .or a pack of granola bars and a string cheese. . .or maybe a brownie and an apple and two string cheeses. . .

why can't i just grab one!?  one just doesn't seem like enough in my mind, and when we first started all this, one was plenty!

in my mind i want to just say 'no snacks, just fruit!'.  but i can't because chris *can* have snacks and it's not fair to him to get rid of them because i can't control myself with them.  there are some things (like cereal) that are point-y but chris has the points to have it and if i want cereal it's a big deal (60 pts vs 39 pts).  it's hard that we're so far apart on the food scale but we have to eat the same snacks and meals.  

sometimes i'm a little jealous that chris can eat more. . .and that feeling makes me want more food!!

i don't think you ever actually stop being an emotional eater (which i definitely am), you just have to learn to cope with it.

hopefully one i get on days at work i'll at least have a better food schedule.  it's really had for me to start my day as far as points go.  i don't know if i should start when i get home from work or when i wake up, but sometimes i go right to sleep and sometimes i stay up and it's just this really weird schedule and sometimes i've been running all over walmart for eight hours and i'm just so hungry. . .grr.  i hate it.

but just because i'm mad doesn't mean i'm discouraged!  i've done fifty pound, i can do more!

plus i have a super hero on my side!

(i know i just complained about him, but he tries to keep me on track.) 

peace.

dress size? don't care! :D

i had chris measure me for my wedding dress the other night.

i knew i wouldn't be happy during this process, there are some things i just don't want to know. . .i almost told him not to show me. . .but i keep telling myself to remember how far i've come, not how far i still have to go. . .

i know my whole seven followers probably get tired of hearing about my weight.  but you have to remember this has been a huge challenge in my life and i finally feel like i'm winning!  i've been maintaining my weight lately, and while i would like to lose more purely for health reasons, if i never lost another pound. . .

I WOULD BE HAPPY.

i can put on almost anything i want and look cute.  when i go out in public i feel like i have a nice confident stride now, i'm never wondering what people think about me or if i'm jiggling or if people see me as a big ol' hippo or something.

if they see me as a hippo, i can guarantee you i'm the cutest hippo they've seen all day!

told you.

and if they don't like the clothes i have on, then their lucky they don't have to wear them!

i rock the polar bear while stocking baby diapers.
wanna fight about it?

anyway, back to these numbers.

the last time i measured my own waist was for my prom dress in 2004.  at seventeen years old i had a 52 inch waist.  how i survived, i do not know.

and i cried.  i cried over that dress.  when that dress arrived i was so terrified it wasn't going to fit. . .i thought i was way to fat and too ugly to find a dress to wear to prom and that i shouldn't go and i don't have a date because i'm so fat and ugly. . .

but guess what?  in that dress with my hair done and my make-up rocking and with my 52 inch waist, that night in that limo i felt like a motherfucking princess.  :D

see?  that number didn't matter at all.  it's just a number.  this is what i got, and i'm gonna make it work.

for those of you curious, my waist this time around was 44 inches, that's eight inches down around my waist and about 4 dress sizes.  and if i'm still at that size when it's time to walk down that aisle, then i'll rock it.  and if i'm a little bit smaller than i'll have that dress nipped and tucked and it will just be delicious tasty icing on the cake of my day.

peace.