30 days of truth: day three

day three:  something you have to forgive yourself for.

one of my biggest regrets for a really long time was dropping out of college the semester after i started.  i had my reasons.  mainly, i knew that my family couldn't afford it.  secondly, i had i had no idea what i really wanted to do with my life, so i felt i was wasting my time and my parents money blindly taking classes with no sort of direction.  i felt even worse as my high school friends began to graduate from college.  i wish i had just stuck it out, maybe if i'd have given it more time i would have found something i really loved and could have a diploma in had just like the rest of my friends.

my dad actually gave the permission to forgive myself before he even brought me home.  i was on the phone with him.  we weren't even talking about it at first, but i was thinking about it.  finally, i just sort of blurted out, 'are you mad at me?'

and he said no.  he said if he had had the chance to go off and try something new, that he would have done it, too.  he told that if i knew it wasn't for me, i should come home.

and a huge weight lifted off my shoulders at that moment.  i still had my regrets, but i knew it would be alright. and i can forgive myself and be proud of my decision because i absolutely love my life!  every decision you make leaves you with a bunch of 'what ifs' in your head.  'what if i'd stayed?  what would my life be like if i hadn't left?'  well, i may be more educated, may have a better job, but i'd have missed out on so many amazing people and experiences i've had since then.  i may have missed out on my dude, who is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  i'd have missed out on bug's birthdays and getting up and walking and learning to call mandy 'sister' instead of mandy.  and i'd rather have this life than any other i could think of!  

so whether or not it was a good or bad decision, it was one that i made, no going back.  but i am more than happy with the results.

peace.