the dreadmill.

i hate treadmills.

but my weight has been really jumpy lately, and i don't like it.  i would like to lose about 15 more pounds before the wedding, which would put me at 65 pounds lost.

my treadmill buddy and my food diary.

i totally lost all sense of food tracking there for awhile.  i'm trying to get back on it, but it's still only a few days out of the week, it's slowly getting better though.

not only do i want to lose more before the wedding in october, but mandy and i would like to participate in the color run, probably not this year, but hopefully next year, so i want to learn to run!

it's the happiest 5k on the planet!

can you believe we want to participate in a 5k!?!  I CAN'T.

i know even if i treadmill till next year i won't be able to run a 5k, but i may be able to jog a 5k or speedwalk a 5k.  there are pictures of people way bigger than us having just as much fun as the people running!  i just want to say i've done it!

today i ran/jogged about 2 minutes on the treadmill.  it's the first time i've ever tried.  i was only on about fifteen minutes, but i tried to jog (hands off the bars and everything!) about 15-20 seconds of ever song i listened to.  the longest i went was 30 seconds, and when i got down to the 10 second countdown to the end of my treadmill time i bumped it up again.  i feel really good right now, but i am a little more sweaty than usual.  D:

so we'll see how it goes!  my goal is just a pound this week, and to track everyday, even when i'm bad!  (gonna try super hard not to be bad, though.)

next goal is to get on my bike once i move to days.  i need to get the tires aired back up and try to scrub some of the rust off the gear shift (not that care about gears).  if i have fun with the bike and ride it somewhat regularly, i'm gonna save up for a bike that i really like, rather than the yard sale bike sitting by the front porch.

fell in love with this bike today at work.
$150 that i don't have, though.  D:

baby steps, though.  baby steps to maybe a super cute bike.  :D

peace.

this scale, yo.

i know i just gave you guys the 'scale doesn't matter, i'm awesome' spiel, but. . .

DAMN THIS POUND STRAIGHT TO HELL.

i've been gaining and losing the same pound for the last month, i swear i hate it.  if this pound had a face i would punch it.  then maybe put some cement shoes on it and throw it in the river.

part of my problem (and i'm not blaming him at all because i know he's gonna read this) is that my favorite dude has way more points than me and can eat a lot more at a time and can have a larger variety of food.  the other part of my problem is that i have little self control over when it comes to things i really want to eat.  which sometimes means that if we have a particularly delicious dinner that is healthier than usual, i go for a second helping without feeling bad even if i don't have the points.  then later i feel guilty because even though the food we made was a way better choice than it used to be, i still didn't need that much and just ate it because it was good.  

another problem is snacks.  we have pretty healthy snacks.  we got a big ol' box of fiber one brownies at sams's (3 pts) and a big ol' box of crunch honey oat bars (2 in a pack, 5 pts for both) and string cheese (1.5 pts each).  not too bad.  so if i feel snacky i go grab one of those. . .or a brownie and a string cheese. . .or a pack of granola bars and a string cheese. . .or maybe a brownie and an apple and two string cheeses. . .

why can't i just grab one!?  one just doesn't seem like enough in my mind, and when we first started all this, one was plenty!

in my mind i want to just say 'no snacks, just fruit!'.  but i can't because chris *can* have snacks and it's not fair to him to get rid of them because i can't control myself with them.  there are some things (like cereal) that are point-y but chris has the points to have it and if i want cereal it's a big deal (60 pts vs 39 pts).  it's hard that we're so far apart on the food scale but we have to eat the same snacks and meals.  

sometimes i'm a little jealous that chris can eat more. . .and that feeling makes me want more food!!

i don't think you ever actually stop being an emotional eater (which i definitely am), you just have to learn to cope with it.

hopefully one i get on days at work i'll at least have a better food schedule.  it's really had for me to start my day as far as points go.  i don't know if i should start when i get home from work or when i wake up, but sometimes i go right to sleep and sometimes i stay up and it's just this really weird schedule and sometimes i've been running all over walmart for eight hours and i'm just so hungry. . .grr.  i hate it.

but just because i'm mad doesn't mean i'm discouraged!  i've done fifty pound, i can do more!

plus i have a super hero on my side!

(i know i just complained about him, but he tries to keep me on track.) 

peace.

dress size? don't care! :D

i had chris measure me for my wedding dress the other night.

i knew i wouldn't be happy during this process, there are some things i just don't want to know. . .i almost told him not to show me. . .but i keep telling myself to remember how far i've come, not how far i still have to go. . .

i know my whole seven followers probably get tired of hearing about my weight.  but you have to remember this has been a huge challenge in my life and i finally feel like i'm winning!  i've been maintaining my weight lately, and while i would like to lose more purely for health reasons, if i never lost another pound. . .

I WOULD BE HAPPY.

i can put on almost anything i want and look cute.  when i go out in public i feel like i have a nice confident stride now, i'm never wondering what people think about me or if i'm jiggling or if people see me as a big ol' hippo or something.

if they see me as a hippo, i can guarantee you i'm the cutest hippo they've seen all day!

told you.

and if they don't like the clothes i have on, then their lucky they don't have to wear them!

i rock the polar bear while stocking baby diapers.
wanna fight about it?

anyway, back to these numbers.

the last time i measured my own waist was for my prom dress in 2004.  at seventeen years old i had a 52 inch waist.  how i survived, i do not know.

and i cried.  i cried over that dress.  when that dress arrived i was so terrified it wasn't going to fit. . .i thought i was way to fat and too ugly to find a dress to wear to prom and that i shouldn't go and i don't have a date because i'm so fat and ugly. . .

but guess what?  in that dress with my hair done and my make-up rocking and with my 52 inch waist, that night in that limo i felt like a motherfucking princess.  :D

see?  that number didn't matter at all.  it's just a number.  this is what i got, and i'm gonna make it work.

for those of you curious, my waist this time around was 44 inches, that's eight inches down around my waist and about 4 dress sizes.  and if i'm still at that size when it's time to walk down that aisle, then i'll rock it.  and if i'm a little bit smaller than i'll have that dress nipped and tucked and it will just be delicious tasty icing on the cake of my day.

peace.

too much stuff blog.

don't have time to do all the things i want, including blog.  it depresses me a bit, and maybe my my six followers as well.  :P

anyway, i spend all my time working in hell and studying in hell and then hopefully sleeping.  the pay is alright at least, but i don't think anyone actually knows how to run my department, or else they just can't agree on one way and stick with it.  it's hard to do a job when three-ish people are telling you three-ish different ways to handle the same problem.

also i need to see my dude way more often.  not that i don't see him, cuz i do, but we have some serious wedding planning that needs to go on.  i know we still have about a year, but that's really not a long time apparently.  mom offered to buy us our plates and little party favors and such, but we don't even know how many people will be there yet, and that sort of list making definitely requires both of us to be together for a few hours with both of us awake!

i thought i had decided on a dress, though.  then i fell in love with another hand-made dress on etsy, only to find out that the fabric it's made from is discontinued, so i would have to order it now to be sure to have it.  problem is i'm still losing about one to two pounds a week, sometimes as many as four (and sometimes none at all), so there is no way for me to know what size to order that dress. . .i could have it altered, but i don't want to pay for dress stuff twice. . .

my plan on that front is to continues weight watchers in 'lose' mode until about august of next year, order the dress at whatever size i am then (it takes a month or so to get it, it's hand-made and comes from new zealand), and then go into 'maintain' mode until after the wedding.  

this is the one i want, but that polka dot tulle apparently won't be made forever, and that's my favorite part!  but all the wedding dresses she makes are beautiful, all fifties retro. . .so cool!  pop a pill box hat with cool short veil and i'll be set!

the shop is here if anybody is interested:  http://www.etsy.com/shop/PixiePocket?ref=seller_info

my future brother-in-law is getting married this weekend, so i also got a cutesy dress for that!  i love to dress up, plus it's a nice big family event so it should be cool.  chris and i are responsible for the rice krispie treats for dipping in the chocolate fountain.  was that a great decision?  we shall see. . .

anyway, it's like seven a.m. and my dude should be waking up to go to work soon, so maybe i can see him for a bit!  plus i wanna try to hit the treadmill this morning before i go to bed (stupid third shift job. . .)

peace.

so yeah blog.

it's been a while bloggy.  it's too hard keeping up with two blogs, plus i was basically just double tracking all my food, so my fat blog is pretty much defunct.  but that means i have more incentive to blog here to my bloggy friends!  :D

any way, today is officially. . .

TWENTY POUNDS GONE DAY.

let it live in infamy.

this picture is totally crazy but look at my skinny face!

my mom (who has always been the skinniest of the three) has been emptying her closet to me all day, i have a whole garbage bag full of pants and shirts to take home with me!  i'll say i've gone down a whole size (from 24 to 22) but mom did give me a pair of size 20 capris that fit really well, so i guess it depends on the kind of pants they are.  

anyway, i was just so excited i had to tell you!

also, don't be sad about the fat blog.  mandy and i have started vlogging about our weight loss and have our own youtube channel (ingeniously titled 'two fat girls')!  go join us in awesome weight loss hilarity!  click here and watch us be chubby and funny!

peace.