what to do when you feel like literal crap?

when you feel so bad that it may actually be possible that somebody chewed you up, digested you for a little bit and then crapped you back out?

maybe you feel like i look right now?

i think it's all these trees out here out to get me.  after i defended them against chris's allergy-tree-hating.  

right now i have sandpaper throat, giant float-y head feeling and sometimes i have snot that i have no control over.  that's the worst.  the snot that just does it's own thing so you always have to be within arms reach of some tissues before it drips.

i need some nice hot something for lunch, then i shall partake in one of my favorite sick day activities.

coloring in bed.

then maybe a nap.

peace.

one of my new favorite photos.

sometimes she's a brat.  she can be a drama queen.  she sometimes needs what she thinks she need right now no matter what.  sometimes it game after game when i just want to go to sleep.  she's way to obsessed with david bowie.

but she's also a little bit of nerd (just like i was), loves big-eyed hoot owls and hello kitty faces (just like i do), always looks cute in her glasses (i wonder when she gets that from) and always has a picture or a pencil or a mcdonald's hello kitty (that's the same as one she already has) ready to give.  plus she's the only one in my family i've ever been able to talk about pokemon with.  she also give great hugs (those sometimes with a little too much force) and has the greatest little girl style ever (i mean, check out that shirt, big girl sizes plz?)

she's my baby sister, my little bugaboo, and i love her.  :D

this scale, yo.

i know i just gave you guys the 'scale doesn't matter, i'm awesome' spiel, but. . .

DAMN THIS POUND STRAIGHT TO HELL.

i've been gaining and losing the same pound for the last month, i swear i hate it.  if this pound had a face i would punch it.  then maybe put some cement shoes on it and throw it in the river.

part of my problem (and i'm not blaming him at all because i know he's gonna read this) is that my favorite dude has way more points than me and can eat a lot more at a time and can have a larger variety of food.  the other part of my problem is that i have little self control over when it comes to things i really want to eat.  which sometimes means that if we have a particularly delicious dinner that is healthier than usual, i go for a second helping without feeling bad even if i don't have the points.  then later i feel guilty because even though the food we made was a way better choice than it used to be, i still didn't need that much and just ate it because it was good.  

another problem is snacks.  we have pretty healthy snacks.  we got a big ol' box of fiber one brownies at sams's (3 pts) and a big ol' box of crunch honey oat bars (2 in a pack, 5 pts for both) and string cheese (1.5 pts each).  not too bad.  so if i feel snacky i go grab one of those. . .or a brownie and a string cheese. . .or a pack of granola bars and a string cheese. . .or maybe a brownie and an apple and two string cheeses. . .

why can't i just grab one!?  one just doesn't seem like enough in my mind, and when we first started all this, one was plenty!

in my mind i want to just say 'no snacks, just fruit!'.  but i can't because chris *can* have snacks and it's not fair to him to get rid of them because i can't control myself with them.  there are some things (like cereal) that are point-y but chris has the points to have it and if i want cereal it's a big deal (60 pts vs 39 pts).  it's hard that we're so far apart on the food scale but we have to eat the same snacks and meals.  

sometimes i'm a little jealous that chris can eat more. . .and that feeling makes me want more food!!

i don't think you ever actually stop being an emotional eater (which i definitely am), you just have to learn to cope with it.

hopefully one i get on days at work i'll at least have a better food schedule.  it's really had for me to start my day as far as points go.  i don't know if i should start when i get home from work or when i wake up, but sometimes i go right to sleep and sometimes i stay up and it's just this really weird schedule and sometimes i've been running all over walmart for eight hours and i'm just so hungry. . .grr.  i hate it.

but just because i'm mad doesn't mean i'm discouraged!  i've done fifty pound, i can do more!

plus i have a super hero on my side!

(i know i just complained about him, but he tries to keep me on track.) 

peace.

dress size? don't care! :D

i had chris measure me for my wedding dress the other night.

i knew i wouldn't be happy during this process, there are some things i just don't want to know. . .i almost told him not to show me. . .but i keep telling myself to remember how far i've come, not how far i still have to go. . .

i know my whole seven followers probably get tired of hearing about my weight.  but you have to remember this has been a huge challenge in my life and i finally feel like i'm winning!  i've been maintaining my weight lately, and while i would like to lose more purely for health reasons, if i never lost another pound. . .

I WOULD BE HAPPY.

i can put on almost anything i want and look cute.  when i go out in public i feel like i have a nice confident stride now, i'm never wondering what people think about me or if i'm jiggling or if people see me as a big ol' hippo or something.

if they see me as a hippo, i can guarantee you i'm the cutest hippo they've seen all day!

told you.

and if they don't like the clothes i have on, then their lucky they don't have to wear them!

i rock the polar bear while stocking baby diapers.
wanna fight about it?

anyway, back to these numbers.

the last time i measured my own waist was for my prom dress in 2004.  at seventeen years old i had a 52 inch waist.  how i survived, i do not know.

and i cried.  i cried over that dress.  when that dress arrived i was so terrified it wasn't going to fit. . .i thought i was way to fat and too ugly to find a dress to wear to prom and that i shouldn't go and i don't have a date because i'm so fat and ugly. . .

but guess what?  in that dress with my hair done and my make-up rocking and with my 52 inch waist, that night in that limo i felt like a motherfucking princess.  :D

see?  that number didn't matter at all.  it's just a number.  this is what i got, and i'm gonna make it work.

for those of you curious, my waist this time around was 44 inches, that's eight inches down around my waist and about 4 dress sizes.  and if i'm still at that size when it's time to walk down that aisle, then i'll rock it.  and if i'm a little bit smaller than i'll have that dress nipped and tucked and it will just be delicious tasty icing on the cake of my day.

peace.

sometimes there are too many.

note to self:

sometimes you can have too many hipster pictures of your own cat.

peace from tiffers and the doctor.

a work-y blog.

got good news today from the personnel lady at walmart!

after all these months of working third shift and about two months after requesting a change, she finally has me set up for a cashier job DURING THE DAY.

you do not know how amazing this is.

I WILL BE AWAKE IN THE SUNLIGHT.

I WILL SLEEP AT NIGHT.

LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.

I WILL CAPSLOCK UNTIL MY JOY SUBSIDES.

which is right now.

bad new, of course, always comes with good news.  the bad news is that she is still trying to replace me on third shift.  she's interviewed three people and none of them worked out.  hopefully she's not telling them they would be working apparel, because most people know that that area is HELL IN WALMART it always has too much freight and never enough people to run it.  there are two other people on third who threatened to quit after working apparel for awhile and we given new jobs and never asked to do it again.  that's how bad it it.  it's so bad that everyone knows how bad it is and will give you a new job if you threaten them.

i told shelley that this was fine, because at least i now have hope.  there is a light at the end of my row of apparel carts.

while this is not an actual picture of my light at the end of apparel, it is certainly joyful enough:

it's a box full of rubber ducks.  does it get happier than that?

peace.

easter stuffs blog!

so i freakin' love easter.  especially decorating for easter!

for those of you who don't know, i moved out of my parents house around this time last year, and the first time i went back (which was only a week later) my mom had packed me some of her easter decorations that she didn't use anymore so that i would be able to decorate my own little space for easter.  

decorating has become one of my favorite things to do!  since i don't have a whole lot of room i have a few designated areas that i reuse for decorating (there the same spots i used for christmas), i just take down the usual stuff (a whole bunch of owls!) and put up the nice holiday things.  it's a nice little system for my small collection of decorations.

so here's a look at my lovely hand-me-down easter house!

a handmade easter wreath from my mommy.

this is my stuffed animal stool.  for christmas it's a bear,
for easter it's this big sheep i got from my mommy.

more sheep from various locations, a cadbury bunny that
makes bunny sounds and bunch of little knick knacks my
mom has had forever!

another mommy wreath.

close up of the sheep.  the black on is from chris, the white one from
my mum.

so many bunnies in my little bunny village!

along with some of my cute owls.

my cute owls live with the bunnies in the bunny village.

love this little vase, wish i had something to put in it!

a bunny dish.

bug gave me those little owls.  they can't go in the shop but it's
all good.  giant owl mom and pop guardians.

chick in egg banner.

floppy easter hat banner (she looks like an old lady bunny
and i love it!)

my mommy made this for me this year!  it's full of easter
candy (not for eating, though)!

one more homemade mommy wreath.

a cupcake stand and a bunny in pants.  this stand has never
had cupcakes, usually it has oranges on it!

it's a little mismatched and funky, but i love it!  maybe i'll get some new easter stuff this year to fill it up some more!

peace.